Matsutan
by Derrot
Summary: Light decides Matsuda could be a useful pawn... and lover? Has an alternate ending. Light x Matsuda. Contains spoilers for Ch. 58 Ep. 25 to the end.
1. After L

**Matsu-tan**

Disclaimer: _I don't own Death Note. I'm writing this for great justice._

After Ryuzaki's death, Light gloated over his victory for a few days. All of his obstacles were now cleared. But victory seemed to wear off into emptiness. Was it because he would be bored now without a rival? Or could it be… that the friendship he had truly acquired while his memories were gone was still existent? Kira couldn't destroy the contents of Light's psyche. But Kira could use them. And Kira used that friendship to destroy L.

At the private funeral, even Kira couldn't completely hold back the feelings of grief. _Why did it have to be this way? L should have minded his own business. Now who was he going to turn to for companionship?_

"Yagami-kun," he heard a solemn youthful voice behind him. It lacked its normal brightness. "Are you alright?"

Light glanced toward the ground. "He said I was his first friend. I'm going to miss him."

Matsuda's voice eased with a slight smile. "He was a good man. Maybe a bit eccentric… but sweet." He grinned wider. "And we'll avenge his death by catching Kira! Oh, and Light-kun," Matsuda waited until Light looked up, then placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. "You still have me. We're friends."

"Thank you, Matsuda," Light smiled, partially genuinely, partially mischievously. Kira filed this away as useful information. Matsuda's blind loyalty might come in handy someday.

-----------------------------------------

Matsuda watched as everyone began filing out of Light's apartment, the new HQ for the investigation. "I guess I'll be going, too," Matsuda got up.

"Wait."

"What is it, Light-kun?" Matsuda's voice held a bit of excitement that maybe there was a development in the case and he would be the first to know. Well, besides Light.

"Misa's not going to be back for a couple hours."

Matsuda's eyes widened in surprise, then softened. _Light was lonely… _"You want me to keep you company till then?"

At first Light sniffed as if he didn't want to ruin his pride, but then cracked a smile. "Thank you."

"Do you just want to talk?"

"Okay."

For about an hour they chatted idly. But Light slowly eased into another conversation. "Matsuda, what do you really think of Kira's actions? Please be honest."

Matsuda shifted uneasily. _So soon after Ryuzaki… _"You've probably heard me before, but the crime rate has decreased dramatically since Kira appeared. The world is becoming a safer place, thanks to Kira. But… the method is abominable. Do all those people really deserve to die? That's what I think." He looked up at Light, his eyes pleading to be taken seriously. "But what he did to Ryuzaki is unforgivable. Ryuzaki wasn't a criminal! He didn't do anything wrong! We must do our duty and avenge his death by capturing Kira!"

Light paused for a moment then replied, "Matsuda… I agree with you completely."

Matsuda brightened up. "Really, Light-kun?!" He realized he was getting in one of his excited moods again and calmed down. "Everyone else either tells me to shut up or treats me like a fool for the things I say. But this is the first time someone's agreed with me like this. It means a lot to me."

"Light!" a high pitched yell called from the door. "I'm home!" Misa ran into Light's arms before he could even get up from the sofa. She turned around, "Hi, Matsu! You're here late!"

"Oh," Matsuda got up. "Light just wanted somebody to talk to. But now that you're back, I think I'll call it a night. Goodnight, MisaMisa…Light-kun," Before he exited, he turned back once more and smiled good naturedly. "If you ever need anything else, I'm here for you." Then he left.

Misa turned up to Light, "Matsu is such a sweet guy, huh, Light?"

Light just stared at the door and grinned.

--------------------------------------------

**Next:** When Near and Mello enter the picture, Light must assure Matsuda's loyalty is over 100 percent!


	2. Truth

**Matsu-tan**: Chapter 2

Disclaimer: _I do not own Death Note._

----------------------------------------------

5 years passed. Light graduated from college and joined the NPA. Kira's murders increased and anyone that had been involved in the Kira case (besides the task force) slowly died away. Matsuda stayed at pretty much the same level in his job. He got a haircut at age 30 to make himself look more mature, but people still didn't take him seriously. Except Light. Their friendship had grown in the five years and Matsuda felt like the private confidant of Light. He felt he might even be closer to Light than MisaMisa.

After Kira learned of the Near and Mello, he knew it was the beginning of the end. They were the only threats that could possibly be fatal to him. And he knew that he had to begin manipulating the people around him to ensure his victory.

Sure he would use Misa's eyes and the task force's naïveté, but he needed a plan B. Misa wasn't the most reliable and got in the way. And if Near and Mello turned out as dangerous as L, suspicion could rest on him again. He didn't know Ide that well, but Aizawa and maybe even Mogi could renew suspicion and would definitely arrest him. His father wouldn't suspect anything before possessing hard evidence, but if Kira was revealed, his father would arrest him regardless.

Ironically, the only one he could rely on was Matsuda. Matsuda was loyal and at least didn't think the worst of Kira. And due to no one taking him seriously, no one would ever suspect him as a Kira supporter. Yes, if Matsuda knew Light was Kira, he would hesitate to act. He might even aid Kira if he thought he was helping a friend. Or a lover. The time had finally come to use that close relationship he had built up with Matsuda since L died. Just as planned.

----------------------------------

Light figured he would take advantage of the first night he could spend alone with Matsuda again. Misa was out filming, his dad went out somewhere for the night, and the rest of the task force had a different hotel room. But Matsuda slept in Light and Misa's suite, though usually on the couch.

"Matsuda…" Light said softly as Matsuda began propping up pillows.

"Yes, Light-kun?"

"You don't have to sleep on the couch tonight… there's plenty of room in the bed."

"But MisaMisa…"

"Misa's going to be gone all night, you know her." _She'll probably get drunk and pass out at some club._

"Aww…" Matsuda grinned slyly. "Light needs someone to keep him warm at night."

Matsuda was only teasing (or was he?) but Light was caught off guard and blushed. _This guy… is already hitting on me! _But he smiled foxily. _This will be easier than I thought. _"How did you know?" Light asked carefully with somewhat feigned shock.

This time Matsuda's eyes widened a bit.

Light began walking toward the bedroom. Matsuda followed after him, calling his name. _Too cute. Just like a puppy. _Light couldn't help but smile. He began taking off the clothes he had been wearing all day. "Are you going to join me or not? I bet the bed's more comfy than the couch…"

"Yeah," Matsuda gave a sideways glance with a small blush. _Light was just teasing him back, right?_

Light started unbuttoning his shirt. "We're just two guys… you don't need to get nervous about it."

Matsuda blushed even redder. Partially at what Light was insinuating and partially at Light's half naked body which he shouldn't have felt that excited to see. There went the shirt.

"I'm not nervous," Matsuda blushed in his defiant tone.

"'Kay, night," Light folded his shirt nicely and placed it over his pants that were on the back of a chair. He finally removed his socks and crawled into bed.

Matsuda began taking off his suit when he stopped. _Won't this be awkward? _But Light was right… they were just two guys. Nothing to be afraid of. Of course Light would have been used to this after several weeks of sleeping with L. Why was he even thinking about this? If he waited too long, Light would think he was weird. And then he would be teased even more. So he stripped down to his boxers and jumped into bed like a little kid, snuggling about under the sheets to get comfortable.

A few minutes later, Light blurted "Matsuda, do you like me?"

"What?!" Matsuda bolted upright.

Light raised an eyebrow. "What's wrong?" He closed his eyes and smirked. "I meant, do you think I am a good person?"

"Oh," Matsuda relaxed. "Of course, Light-kun! You have a strong sense of justice, you're always helpful, and you never say an unkind word to anyone… you're like your father in so many ways. And I mean that as the highest compliment!"

_He's never heard me talk to Misa… _"Thank you, Matsuda…"

Matsuda sensed there was something wrong. This was so unlike the Light everyone knew. Was Light really this insecure on the inside? He glanced over at Light. He was staring upward with a quiet and troubled face. His beautiful face was etched in sadness. _He's playing with me_. _I know you, Light… I'm not stupid!_ Matsuda bolted up again. "Damn it, Light! What's wrong?!"

Light sat up and gave Matsuda a wistful glance. "Matsuda… I am Kira."

Matsuda's eyes widened. He almost yelled out but stopped himself. "But Light… we've already proven your innocence. If you were Kira, you would be dead by now."

"The '13 day rule' is false. I made it up specifically so the suspicions would be cast off of me."

Matsuda turned away and bit his lip. "So you killed Ryuzaki."

"No, the shinigami killed Watari and Ryuzaki." Suddenly he burst out, "What do you think of me now?!!" Light threw himself against Matsuda and cried into his shoulder. The sobs were wrought with agony… regret?

Matsuda was silent for a moment. He was shocked that Light was Kira. He was shocked that Light was telling him all this. He was even more shocked that Light was crying. He was probably faking it. Nonetheless, Matsuda embraced Light and patted him on the back. "I still love you, Light."

Light sniffled up his fake tears. "You do? Why?"

Matsuda tried to think why. Was it because Light was always so kind? Was it because Light had just told him his darkest secret? But what came to mind most was his attraction to Light. He looked up to Light… Light was cool and smart and handsome… but Matsuda didn't want to get into that. "You're my best friend, shouldn't that count for something?"

Light's sobs seemed to have stopped. "You're still going to turn me in though," he said disdainfully.

"No."

Light tensed with surprise. _Way too easy. "_What?"

"I don't know what they'd do to you… I don't want you to be executed. Or suffer in prison for the rest of your life."

"You would miss me."

"Yes." Matsuda nodded sadly. He waited a moment, then asked, "I understand why you kill, but are they all necessary?"

"If someone doesn't eliminate the criminals, then the world will go back to the way it was. It's more peaceful now. I know what I'm doing is terrible, but it's not for myself… it's for the world. For the pure hearted people of the world. That's why you understand more than the rest of the task force, Matsuda. You're so pure with youthful idealism. Like me."

"Light-kun…"

"And that's why I love you too," Light pressed his lips firmly to Matsuda's.

Light felt this way about him?! Matsuda loved Light, yes… but like this? It made him so happy, this kiss… all the sadness washed out of his face and his mouth stretched into its usually goofy grin. "Light-kun!" Matsuda glomped him with surprising force that pinned Light to the bed while Matsuda cuddled lovingly to his bare chest. If he had a tail, it would have been wagging furiously with excitement. Matsuda was finally loved!

"Matsu-tan, you're like a box of chocolates," Light remarked as he adeptly switched places. _Yes, a box of chocolates that would replace the candy that had been missing in my life since L died! _"You're so random, even I would never get bored!"

"Matsu-tan, that's such a cute nickname," Matsuda sighed before Light's lips closed in on their prey again. When they parted, "You probably already had that name thought up in advance."

Light just smiled slyly. "I guess we're not going to get any sleep tonight?"

Matsuda just grinned. This was much better than the couch.

---------------------------------------

**Next**: Preparations are made for the end!


	3. Preparations

**Matsu-tan: **Chapter 3

Disclaimer: _I do not own Death Note._

------------------------------------------------

After the death of his father, Light was in a naturally quiet mood. Matsuda had wanted to embrace him and comfort him and cry along with him at the hospital, but he didn't want to display such affection for Light in front of the rest of the task force. So he knew he had to comfort Light back at the hotel.

After they entered the empty suite together, Matsuda muttered "Light, I should have pressed harder for the shinigami eyes."

Finally Light spoke. "No. This sounds selfish…but now I'm grateful it wasn't you."

"B-but your father…"

"At least it wasn't for nothing… the notebook is now out of criminal hands. But Mello must now be eliminated."

Matsuda wrapped his arms around Light. Light's shoulders shook a few times before he turned around, burying his face into Matsuda's suit and crying, pitifully. Matsuda only hugged Light tighter. Despite the sadness of the situation and the fact that Light was probably just faking as usual, Matsuda liked Light's current state. To have Light…Kira…someone usually so cool and serious make such emotional outbursts… it was like he was vulnerable and needed protection. And feeling as though he were protecting and comforting Light-kun… that made Matsuda feel as though he were on top of the world.

Unfortunately, he didn't know to what extent Light could act. Light had known exactly what would happen and still let the plan play out. The only mistake in the plan was his father dying before he could write Mello's name. But Light knew he needed to put on such emotional shows to gain trust from Matsuda. But the emotions still came easily. Was it because he was truly said? Or was it to please Matsuda? Or both?

--------------------------

After an unsuccessful attempt to eliminate Near, Near had gotten Aizawa and Mogi to start suspecting Light again. It became necessary for Light to send Misa's death note to a guy in Japan to take the evidence off Misa and therefore himself. Matsuda was a bit jealous that this new guy was so attractive and obviously worshipped Kira… he didn't want to think of what would happen if they met in real life. But he knew this was necessary and was confident that he was Light's one and only.

Of course, after that first night together he realized he almost certainly wasn't Light's first. Light's relationship with Ryuzaki had suddenly made sense. But now Matsuda was Light's closest, and would be unless something drastic happened.

Then came Takada, Light's ex-girlfriend from college. The tension in the task force grew even more thick when they discovered Light's past connection with Takada. Matsuda wasn't jealous of Takada, though. He knew the truth about Light's preferences. He did feel a little bad for MisaMisa, though. When he was listening to Light's conversations with Takada, he couldn't help but blurt out how charming Light was or mock the love triangle between Light, Misa, and Takada. But he really wanted to know what went on during that conversation with Mikami!

Meanwhile, Aizawa had a hunch what was going on. Out of any of the task force, Matsuda was the one he couldn't let in on the conversations with Near. Because he knew they would only get back to Light. He wasn't sure to what extent their closeness was, but he knew Matsuda's loyal nature. There was even a possibility that Matsuda already knew Light was Kira. He would watch Matsuda very closely…

--------------------------------

January 27th. One more day until the final showdown with Near. Unfortunately, ever since they got back to Japan (and a couple weeks before), the rooms were no longer private. Aizawa was always staring down Light's back; and if he went anywhere alone, it would look suspicious and he'd be trailed anyway. But he had to spend this night with Matsuda. Collectively, the task force never seemed to sleep. If it wasn't Aizawa keeping watch, it was Mogi or Ide. But he _needed _this night alone with Matsuda.

"Do you guys mind if I shut the door tonight? Tomorrow will be a busy day and I want to be well rested when the case is solved."

Aizawa gave him stern look, but sighed. "Go ahead." There wasn't much that could be done now. Light was Kira and Light knew Aizawa knew it. But could he be planning something for tomorrow? Good thing he had already bugged the bedroom weeks ago just in case something like this happened.

An hour later, Aizawa was resting on the couch when he heard a sound pass him. _Matsuda! _On the other side of the room, Ide had already fallen asleep. Mogi, however, was also pretending to sleep. What was Matsuda doing in Light's bedroom? Once Matsuda was inside, Aizawa and Mogi put the headphones on and listened to the bugs.

"So how's my Matsubishie running today? I was think of taking him for a drive."

"Oh god Light, it feels like it's been ages."

Aizawa glanced over at Mogi. Mogi's eyes were bugging out a little more than usual. _Those bastards knew the room was bugged. _

"Light-kun, I'm kind of scared about tomorrow."

"Don't be. Kira's not going to be there. Only the SPK and task force know about this meeting… cheer up."

"I guess you're right…oh, Light-kun, that tickles!"

There was some snickering and some other sounds before Aizawa put the headphones down in disgust. "Keep listening Mogi. I'm taking a walk." Aizawa sulked outside for a bit. He was hoping for concrete evidence that Light was Kira. He could have beaten Near to the proof instead of taking a risk tomorrow. Light knew the room was bugged, otherwise they wouldn't have sounded so… lame. Well, Matsuda's response was probably genuine. Ugh, the only 'proof' they had now was that Light and Matsuda were gay!

-------------------------------------

Light erased the messages on the touch screen PDA:

"Don't worry, I specifically told Mikami not to write your name."

"But everyone…"

"It has to be."

Light placed the PDA on his nearby pants. Back to the bed, he began tracing Matsuda's spine with his index finger until he shivered and turned around. He gripped Matsuda's chin and kissed him deeper than he had ever done before. The kiss slowly pushed Matsuda farther and farther down into the covers. The kiss then became a barrage of kisses down his neck, making their way down to his chest. Light was like a madman, almost fanatical, but Matsuda couldn't deny enjoying it. This was Kira using Light's lust for Matsuda for fun.

Matsuda interrupted Kira's frenzy by rolling him over and nailing him to the scattered sheets. Light looked up at Matsuda, surprised. And for a second or two, the surprised look on his face betrayed Light's true identity: a naïve child. The moonlight shined through a tiny part in the curtains and bathed Light's face in silver. All Matsuda could think of before their lips locked again was that he had never seen anything as beautiful. And even though the innocence had faded from Light's eyes along with the surprise, something from the days of L returned to them: Respect.

--------------------------------------------

Back in the main room, Aizawa returned from his walk. Mogi was still listening to the headphones. Aizawa picked up the other pair and listened. But he put them back down disgusted after only a few seconds. _Well rested my ass!_

_-----------------------------------------------_

**Next: **The final showdown!

Author's Note: This chapter felt kind of incoherent and awkward? Hmm…


	4. Final Showdown

**Matsu-tan: **Chapter 4

Disclaimer: _I do not own Death Note._

----------------------------------------------

Inside the wharf, Near explained his switching of the notebooks. Matsuda began to panic. They would see both Light's and his name in the fake notebook! Should he shoot Near now and help Light? But… the rest of the task force… No, surely Light had thought up another plan, right?

On the other side of the door, Mikami had arrived. Mikami scanned the people in the group. He saw the one God had told him not to kill… Matsuda. And then his eyes finally rested on Light Yagami. God! But what was so special about this Matsuda…. jealous feelings boiled inside him. Why would God single out such a cute, young, attractive male? Actually… _the_ most attractive male present, besides God. Certainly not just because he was useful!

_Delete, delete, delete! _He began slashing names down with his pen. Nate River. The rest of the SPK. But he lost it. He became obsessed with deleting. _Delete, delete, delete! _Ide. Mogi. Aizawa. He wouldn't rest until every name was written down except God's. When he came to Matsuda's name, he slashed it down with particular vengeance, almost tearing through the paper. _DELETE!_ He pitched backward with glee, thinking happily of 40 seconds later, when it would be just him and God.

He fantasized for several seconds, until he heard God asking him to come! And come he did! God asked him how long it had been since the last name he had written down. He counted off the seconds. After _39_, Light said, "Victory is mine, Near." And then _40_. Nothing happened. Mikami was handcuffed and the notebook was taken.

Near showed everyone the notebook. Matsuda gasped when he noticed his name was also written and slumped down. "Light-kun… why?" he moaned.

Light shot him a sharp glance that was meant to mean _'I told him not to! I swear!' _but it probably only made matters worse. Light was pissed. He said he didn't know who the hell Mikami was and was satisfied with the agonized gurgle that emanated from the horrible creature. But Light soon cracked. He finally admitted his identity as Kira and gave a self-righteous speech. But Near shot down his speech.

Matsuda was in tears. _You idiot! Why did you trust Mikami not to write down my name… or did you tell him to kill me also? Am I not useful to you anymore? _Kira was a selfish liar, but he thought he could trust Light Yagami, his lover!

Suddenly, Light opened his watch and began writing on a hidden piece of death note, but Matsuda's emotions were quicker and he snapped off a shot at Light's hand. Light's eyes screamed wide in betrayal while shrieking at the layers of skin taken off by the grazing bullet. Matsuda sat on one knee, shaking and crying from his own betrayal and anger.

"Matsuda! You of all people should understand! Kira is justice!" Light's eyes were wild with disbelief at Matsuda's actions. His thoughts were too messed up to understand why Matsuda had shot him. His only thought was: _Kill Near. _"Matsuda! Shoot them!"

Tears streaked down Matsuda' face. _Damn you, Light! Why are you putting me in this situation?! _

"Matsuda! Matsuda, what are you doing?! Shoot! Shoot Near!!"

The rest of the task force noted Matsuda's trembling arms and the tears still rolling over his cheeks despite his eyes being shut tight.

"Matsuda…," Aizawa approached him softly.

Matsuda swung his gun back up and leveled it at the task force. "Back! Just stop! Please!" he begged.

Light cackled with glee. "Yes! Yes, Matsuda! Do it! Shoot! NOW!"

Everyone leveled their guns at Matsuda with alarm. "I-I can't…" Matsuda's face fell, and he dropped his gun to the floor of the warehouse with a clank. And with it he dropped a pen. With his shoe he skidded the pen towards Light.

"Light! Hurry!" he screamed.

Before anyone could crack off a shot at Light, it had been done. Nate River's name had been written on the scrap of Death Note. Not thinking, everyone turned toward Near. Light used that time to flip the scrap over and write the names of the rest of the SPK. It only took 10 seconds. He had plenty of seconds left to gloat over his victory. "Near," he sat up. "I've won."

All everyone else could do was stare as Near's eyes grew wide with the shock of cardiac arrest.

"No, Kira. I won… first."

Near gracefully pitched forward into his pile of finger puppets and lay still like a sleeping child. Light clenched his teeth at Near's last remark. Seconds later, the rest of the SPK pitched forward. Mikami, still handcuffed, wrestled his arms free of the bodies and dove for Light. "God!"

"You wrote his name, fool!" Light snapped at his worshipper. Another pitiful gurgle escaped Mikami as he stepped back in shame.

"Light, you dirty bastard," Aizawa growled and raised his gun. Mogi and Ide followed suit. "Just give it up. If you or Mikami make a move, we'll shoot. Just surrender yourself."

"No!" Matsuda interjected, running to Light's side, throwing his arms around Light. He looked at the task force pleadingly through his tear streaked face. "Please! Light doesn't serve this!"

"What's gotten in to you, Matsuda?! Light's a murderer!" Aizawa growled.

"No," Matsuda shook his head. "Light's not a bad person! He's only trying to create an ideal world!"

"There's no such thing!"

"He only wants what's best for everyone! Are you saying the world hasn't changed for the better?!" He began sobbing again. "He's been our partner for so long, how can we just ruin his life like this?" Matsuda muttered in a hushed voice.

"I see…," Ide lowered his gun. "_Have you ever been in love? _Matsuda, you are in love… right?"

Matsuda sniffed back some tears, his normal goofy smile shining through a bit. With more confidence, he appealed again. "If we kill Light, or imprison him for life, the chief will have died for nothing!"

Aizawa felt his heart twitch a bit. What Matsuda was saying… he glanced at Mogi. The usual stone-hard face was semi-contorted in grief at this truth. Aizawa knew he was going to regret this… "Light, Matsuda… we'll give you 40 seconds to leave. But if we ever cross paths again, there will be no mercy."

Matsuda broke into a smile with his face glistening with tears. "Light-kun!" he squeezed Light's body against him in relief.

Light was also relieved, and his countenance was fresh with determination and excitement. "Matsu-tan…," he grinned back.

"Let's go, our new world awaits us!"

With that, they left in a hurry, with Light pulling his Matsu-tan by the hand.

"I'd like to see them try without the notebook," Aizawa raised an eyebrow after they were gone.

"Aizawa-san!" Ide called out. Mogi had noticed it too… the notebook was gone. Real… fake… all of them.

Aizawa looked around. "Where's Mikami?!"

-----------------------------------------------

Outside, Light and Matsuda slid into the front seats of the police car. But before Matsuda could start the ignition…

"God! Wait for me!"

Light turned to see Mikami outside his window. "What the hell are you doing here?!! Go to hell!"

"But I have them, God," the man offered piously in a weak, yet hopeful voice.

Light's eyes widened. "Into the car! Hurry!"

Mikami quickly slipped into the back seat as Matsuda started the car and drove off. "I have all the Death Notes, God. Both of the real ones and the fake!"

"You mean one real one and two fakes. At least, if we can assume Near brought the real notebook." Light turned to Matsuda. "You did make the switch, right, Matsu-tan?"

"Of course, Light-kun… I _am_ useful for some things, you know," he smiled cheerfully. The only indication the man had been crying minutes earlier was the dried tear stains on his face and red eyes.

"You've done very well, Matsu-tan. You have both done well. Our view of a bright future, a world ruled by justice, is clearer than ever!"

Matsuda felt Mikami's jealous eyes on him. But he knew Mikami was no threat now. Mikami wouldn't do anything to upset his god now. He was only a servant. Matsuda was Light's true partner. "Light, I'm sorry I shot you," he said softly.

Light grinned sexily with his Kira grin. "You can make it up to me tonight."

Matsuda smiled. He was the _TRUE_ successor to L.

**End.**

---------------------------------------------------------------------

This concludes **Matsu-tan**. Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed it!

Light/Matsuda is my favorite pairing in Death Note… the world needs more!


End file.
